You Might Be A Cancer Patient If...

You might be a cancer patient if...

You make more trips to the doctor than the grocery store every week!

You scold your cat for shedding hair all over the sofa, then realize - its YOUR hair!

Waiting in line an hour for a ride at an amusement park is a breeze compared to the three hours you wait while doing a chemo treatment!

 You've had your blood drawn so many times, you draw a red dot on your favorite arm vein so you can tell the lab tech to just "stick 'er there!"

If I told you I had an appointment with my guy oncologist, you would know I was seeing a male cancer doctor and not an OB/GYN!

 

Dr Appointment Today

Saw Dr. Waples today to solidify the stsrt date for my chemo treatments, which will begin on September 9. Now that the date has been set, I feel pretty good.  Now i've got something to look forward to. What, am I nuts? Who looks forward to chemo?! I don't mean it in the way of anticipating a pleasant event, like a concert or party, but it is something concrete in my treatment, a known in a sea of unknowns, so I can grasp on to it. It is a starting point. "Follow the chemo brick road!"

Yes, I am a little apprehensive, a little nervous, but I am ready. My Monday session will be three hours, then I will be sent home with a meter to cuddle up and sleep with. Then I will come back Tuesday for a two hour session, and Wednesday I come back and they disconnect the meter. I know, I know...your heart is about to explode with excitement! All I know is I had better be bringing plenty of good reading material! After all, what can be more fun than sitting still in a room for that long?

Patron Saint of Those With Cancer

Below are a couple of prayers to St. Peregrine, patron saint of cancer sufferers. A big thank you to Richard Paladino for bringing me aware of this saint!

Are you suffering from cancer? Or do you know someone who is? These prayers to St. Peregrine can give you hope! This first one is for those afflicted with this deadly disease:

St. Peregrine, whom Holy Mother Church has declared Patron of those suffering from Cancer, I confidently turn to you for help in my present sickness. I beg your kind intercession. Ask God to relieve me of this sickness, if it be his Holy Will. Plead with the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Mother of Sorrows, whom you loved so tenderly and in union with whom you have suffered the pains of Cancer, that she may help me with her powerful prayers and loving consolation.

But if it should be God’s Holy Will that I bear this sickness, obtain for me courage and strength to accept these trails from the loving hand of God with patience and resignation, because he knows what is best for the salvation of my soul. St. Peregrine, be my friend and patron. Help me to imitate you in accepting suffering, and to unite myself with Jesus Crucified and the Mother of Sorrows, as you did. I offer my pains to God with all the love of my heart, for his glory and the salvation of souls, especially my own. Amen.

The second of these prayers to St. Peregrine is for others’ intentions.

O great St. Peregrine, you have been called "The Mighty," "The Wonder-Worker," because of the numerous miracles which you have obtained from God for those who have had recourse to you. For so many years you bore in your own flesh this cancerous disease that destroys the very fiber of our being, and who had recourse to the source of all grace when the power of man could do no more. You were favored with the vision of Jesus coming down from His Cross to heal your affliction. Ask of God and Our Lady, the cure of the sick whom we entrust to you. (Pause here and silently recall the names of the sick for whom you are praying) Aided in this way by your powerful intercession, we shall sing to God, now and for all eternity, a song of gratitude for His great goodness and mercy. Amen.

St. Peregrine is known as the patron saint of cancer patients, AIDS victims and others suffering from serious illnesses. These two prayers give us an intriguing glimpse into his life’s story. Peregrine Laziosi was born in 1260 in Forli, Italy to a wealthy family. Although he was a member of an anti-papal party as a young man, he experienced a profound change of heart, much like St. Paul’s conversion in its intensity.

He and some companions showed up one day to heckle and otherwise abuse St. Philip Benizi, the Prior General of the Servants of Mary, who was preaching in Forli. Peregrine went so far as to strike him in the face! St. Philip, seemingly following our Lord’s advice in scripture (Matt 5:39, Luke6:29), offered his other cheek in response.

This gesture so moved Peregrine that he quickly asked for Philip’s forgiveness and soon thereafter converted to Catholicism, spending much time in prayer at the Chapel of Our Lady at the Cathedral. Mary appeared to him there in a vision asking him to join the Servite Order in Siena. He was received there by St. Philip!

Peregrine spent the rest of his life ministering to the poor and the sick, mainly in his hometown of Forli where he established a new house for the Servites. His dedication to the faith was such that, according to tradition, he would stand constantly instead of sitting down, as a form of penance.

He underwent a severe trial when he developed a cancerous sore on his leg (as we see in depictions of him such as the one above) as well as his feet. Doctors decided upon amputation as treatment.

The night before the operation, Peregrine spent the night in prayer before a crucifix in a hospital chapel. He dreamt at one point there that Christ came down from the cross and healed his leg. When he woke up, he and his doctors, made the joyful discovery that he was completely cured. God had truly performed a miracle on this holy man!

Peregrine himself performed numerous miracles in his life. After his death in 1345, there were countless others, especially in Spain. The Church attributed to him more than 300 cures of cancer and other illnesses from 1694 to 1726 in one city there alone!

It’s no wonder that as we read in the opening of the second of our two prayers to St. Peregrine, many Catholics refer to him as the “mighty” and the “wonder-worker!” He was canonized by Pope Benedict XIII in 1726.

Although there are an increasing number of cancer survivors, there is still no cure for this disease. Prayer is always needed in the fight against cancer, along with research and education, such as that provided by the American Cancer Society. 

We hope the prayers to St. Peregrine above, along with others here, can bring you comfort and strength from our Lord. He Himself, like St. Peregrine, as we are reminded in these prayers, was no stranger to suffering!

To Start or Not To Start

I have an appointment with my oncologist this Monday, and I can start my chemo treatments then. On the other hand, it will not hurt to put it off two weeks, so I am torn as to whether I should wait. Why, because I am nervous about starting? No, because I want to rock!

Before this chemo business came up, I bought concert tickets to see Iron Maiden in Nashville. UP THE IRONS! I have been waiting 28 years to be able to see them again. Even if I have to be in the back of an ambulance and have them pull up to the stage, I am going to go and have a good time! The only concern is, with the concert being 11 days after my first treatment (if I were to start Monday), will I be too wiped out to really enjoy the headbanging to the fullest. If I put the first treatment off for two weeks, until after the concert, it will be in December before my treatments are done, as opppsed to around Turkey Day if I start them soon. So, to start or not to start, that is the question.

Update: on the side of caution, I have decided to start my chemo in two weeks, after the concert. You"ve got to have priorities, and seeing Iron Maiden is on my bucket list. So, if my cancer comes back someday and I kick the bucket, I will have one less item on the list.

I Apologize

After reading the last two entries, I must apologize. They are almost completely void of jokes or humor. So, without further ado:

Q:  what do you get when you cross a country music singer with a Star Wars character?

A: GARTH VADER!

Thank you! Now we return you to our regularly scheduled post.

Life Changer

When told you have cancer, or even that you had cancer removed as was my case, it changes your life.  You become a member of a club that unfortunately is all too populous, but suddenly you can relate all too real with someone else who is fighting cancer. Its a wide family.

Even when I didn't think I had cancer, in the back of my mind I guess I was preparing myself for the worst. So, when told the diagnosis, I accepted it as well as could be expected. I had prayed that no matter what, I would leave it in God's hands, and that is still my view. I think of a lyric from one of my favorite Dream Theater songs..."If I die tomorrow, I'd be alright because I believe that after we're gone, the spirit carries on".

About a year ago, i went through about a one month period of severe depression. I have no idea what brought it on, but I would never had made it through without love and support from family and friends. It was by far the worst period of time in my life. And, while the diagnosis of cancer is certainly not a good thing, I believe that God put me through that trial last year to prepare me for any future bad news, because I had gone through Hell for a while and turned out ok again in the end. I honestly believe that this has been the reason I have been able to take things as well as I have so far.

Granted, things have not been all roses. I have had my moments of questions, doubts, and fear. The first time I walked into Clearview Cancer Institute, it was very surreal, and all I could think about was that I was now a cancer patient. But, through daily prayer, support from family and friends have lifted me up. I love you all! 

On With the Story

Convinced that I did not have cancer, I looked forward to getting the surgery done so that I could get back to normal. Not having any kind of surgical procedure since I was 17 months old, I was sort of curious to see what the operating room looked like. After the anesthesia, I had no idea! I was down for the count. Funny, though, when I was wheeled in a month later to get my port-a-cath put in, it came back to me like deja vu. 

They were to remove about one foot of my colon and still leave about four feet. And fortunately it was done by lathroscope, so I only had a few small holes and small cut to deal with.  The surgery was to take about two hours. Well, you know the phrase, "the best laid plans..." They removed the main blockage, but they found another mass on the other side of my colon, and removed my appendix (so I no longer have any reference material in me!). So, the two hour surgery turned into five hours, and they took out three feet of my colon instead of just one. I certainly made Dr. Golzarian work for his money!

I spent four days in the hospital recovering. I must say that my care was first rate by the nurses and staff at Huntsville Hospital. No matter how strong you may think you are, in the hospital you are dependent on others, and I am grateful for all the workers.

The day I went home, though, Dr. Golzarian came in and told me that the blockage they removed was cancerous. So, in the matter of a short period of time, I went from having a blockage removed to cancer patient, just like that.

Going For Scan Today

I'm getting ready to go get either a CAT scan or PET scan, not sure which. Personally, not being a cat lover, I hope its a PET scan so I can imagine whatever animal I want. Since I am a dog lover, I almost always go to my favorite place there, the LAB!

Well, it turned out to be a CAT scan after all. Maybe that's why suddenly I have a craving for tuna! Things went easily enough. I had very little wait time, snd the scan only took about 10 minutes. By far the worst part was drinking the two bottles of contrasting stuff beforehand. Awful! It made Milk of Magnesia taste like fine wine!

Cancer? What cancer?

Dr. Golzarian had floated the first inkling that I may not have cancer. Then, the following Monday, Dr. Ferrante called and said all tests and biopsies were negative, so he suggested much the same as Dr. Golzarian, that the blockage was not cancer, but possibly scarring from severe diverticulitis. That cemented things in my mind. I was not a cancer patient, but a man with diverticulitis. Yeah, Baby!  I was so excited that it looked non-cancerous that in honor of Dr. Ferrante I went to the ice rink, rented some skates, and body-checked a figure skater into the boards!  The blockage  had to be removed anyway, though, so i scheduled the surgery for Mid July. Everyone has about 5 feet of colon. They were going to take out a foot of it and I.'d be all set! No problem!

Wierd Scar

I took off the bandage where they had inserted my port-a-cath to see what it looked like.  I knew there would be a scar, but not one quite like this!

Colonoscopy Take Two and Three

Back to the history of how I got to where I'm at now, awaiting chemo treatments.  After the disaster of the first colonoscopy try, Dr. Ferrante gave me some prep that was much less harsh on the stomach and didn't have to drink near as much to work.  Well, maybe that was true for most people.  Again, clear liquids the day before the procedure, and more broth and clear jello for meals.  I take the prep late that afternoon, get dressed again in my track shoes and get ready for the rush to the restroom.  Nothing happened immediately, so I didn't get very concerned.  However, after watching a movie, a baseball game, and only going to pee about six times, I slowly began to realize that I wasn't having the colonoscopy the next day either.  STEEEEERRRIIIKKKEEE TWO!  The next morning, I called and Dr. Ferrante told me not to even bother, there was no way it was happening.  I could tell he was almost as frustrated as I was, either that or someone else was beating their head against his office wall.  He said he would think about what to do next, then call me back.

The solution was for a two-day prep.  Nothing but clear liquids for TWO days (meanwhile my wife and daughter eat Olive Garden while moi?  You guessed it - more damn chicken broth!  My temper was really running on a short fuse.  Lo and behold, though, the two different days of prep did the trick and I was finally able to get the colonoscopy done.  I showed up to get it done, and all the nurses were saying, "This is your third time getting prepped  in a month's time?  Aww, you poor thing!"  I just put on my "pitiful me" face and enjoyed the attention.  When I woke up from the procedure, the news wasn't good.  Dr. Ferrante could only get the scope a little ways in before it was blocked.  "I've seen it several times before," he said.  "Its got to be a cancerous blockage".  So, he got me an appointment to see Dr. Javad Golzarian, a surgeon, a few days hence.  Dr. Golzarian gave me the glimmer of hope that I did not have cancer, but possibly severe diverticulitis.  At least, it was possible.  And since this situation would be better than cancer, I held on to it and accepted it as gospel.  I was not ready for that just yet.

Port-A-Cath Put in Yesterdsy

I arrived at Huntsville Hospital yesterday at noon to get my port-a-cath inserted in preparation for chemo. It is a small device, similar to an IV, except that it is in my upper chest and lies hidden under the scars- I mean skin. That way, when they do chemo treatments, they stick them in there instead of sticking me in a different place every time. The name port-a-cath, to me, sounds like something you should be able to pick up at the hardware store or something to fix your bathroom with, not an important tool in cancer treatment.  I was 44 when I arrived at the hospital to have it done, and was 48 when they finally started the procedure! When they finally got me in the O.R., though, everything was ok. I was still awake during the first couple of minutes, but the drugs soon made me very comfortable.   I heard one of the surgeon leaders saying, "we have Mr. Heath Jacks here ". It was just the way he said it, it made me feel very important. I was wanting to jump up from the table and take a bow! The procedure, though, was quick and painless , thank God! I could never have lasted a day in the age before the modern convenience of anesthesia.

Dude, where's My Hair?

I was born with lots of hair. My hair is the one physical trait I've always been sort of proud of. But, given the possibility of losing a bunch of it or all of it during my chemo treatments, I got a head start(get it? HEAD start?) and got a buzz cut today! Here is before and after pics.

So, what do you think?

Colonoscopy - Take One!

Everyone I talked to about a colonoscopy said, "The night before the procedure is the worst!" For the most part, they were right. however, please allow me to be truly serious here for a minute, but DO NOT allow fear to keep you from getting your colon checked! They can often find pre-cancerous polyps and take them out long before they cause trouble..

Anyway,  the day I visited with Dr. Ferrante, my digestive system threw me another curve.  So far my stomach would start hurting after feeling ok after about a week, I would not be able to have a bowel movement for several days (usually at least a week) and then a couple of days of diarrhea (excuse the potty mouth). This day, though, I began to throw up. AAAARGH! (That is either a sound of frustration or a sound effect for what I was doing. Take your pick.) Now to be truthful in my confession, it had been ten years since my last upchuck, after getting too cozy with orange soda and vodka, and I had not missed it a bit. But, now it came back like a long-lost fiend.

I became an over the counter meds junkie. For the nausea, I would buy anti-heartburn stuff and Tums and take at least twice the recommended dosage.  For constipation, I tried Ex Lax a few times, and instead of taking the recommended two squares, I ate six. I would drink a half bottle of Milk of Magnesia at a time, when just a capful was needed. I really can't say that any of this succeeded at anything except making my wallet lighter. That, and  started having real cravings for eating chalk after the Tums tablets and Milk of Magnesia.

The day before my colonoscopy, I was anxious to get going (literally!). Nothing but clear liquids the whole day, which to me was as hard as anything. A whole day of broth to look forward to - YUMMY! Chicken or vegetable broth, which to choose? (Sarcasm hopefully showing through).  Then it came time  to start the clean out. They had given me the most common prep called Moviprep. It sounds like you should be ready to sit down and watch a show and snack on some popcorn, not chugging a half gallon of swill that tastes like a cross between plastic and lemonade. The rough thing is, you have to drink that half gallon twice, once at 5:00 pm and once at 10:00 pm!

Not knowing what to expect, I took the first few sips and expected to make a mad rush to the bathroom. Nothing. A few more sips, and I wss lined up in sneakers snd running shorts ready for the dash to begin. Stll nothing! After the whole first half gallon, I had managed to go one time, and that was all. In the meantime, my stomach was feeling so bloated from all the liquid, I thought about sticking a needle through my navel to see if my belly would pop like a water balloon! About 9:00 pm, an hour before time to swig the other half gallon, I started throwing up and my stomach was cramping terribly. I called the doctor on call and he said to wait until early morning to take the second dose. The problem? I was supposed to be cleaned out in about 12 hours and things had not even begun in earnest (or me)!

Determined, I napped until 4 am, when my stomach was not hurting and started in on the final half gallon of Moviprep. This time, things started moving fairly well, but I only had six hours until my colonoscopy. In the morning, I called Dr. Ferrante's office, described what had happened, and we decided to give it a go so all that prep wouldn't be in vain. In the  end, it was in vain. I showed up, they started the IV, they put me to sleep, and the next thing I was aware of was  Dr. Ferrante saying we had to schedule another try, I was not near cleaned out as I needed. Then, he slapped me on the backdide with a hockey stick and sent me home.

Heath, We Have A Problem!

Everyone's walk with cancer is different, and your experience may be vastly different, but here is how mine began. By the way, doesn't "my walk with cancer" or "my cancer journey" sound so charming and unassuming? Like we're a couple of old friends, out for a leisurely Sunday stroll, exchanging stories about the kids?

Anyway, toward the end of February this year, after eating some fish at Long John Silver's, I got a terrible bloated feeling, and my stomach started cramping badly. For three days it hurt to even walk straight up and I couldn't eat a bite. I simply attributed it to a bad piece of fish or something.  After that subsided, a little over a week later the same pain and bloating started again after eating pizza (okay, you health nuts, no lecturing me on my diet, or rather lack of one!).

This time, the pains were almost constant and i was praying that I would either have a bowel movement or throw up, anything to bring relief.   But, no dice! (And wouldn't THAT have been strange, throwing up dice!) Unfortunately, nothing else came out either. Finally, toward the end of March, the stomach pains were so sharp and constant I checked myself into the ER.

My local ER doctor checked me out and had me transported to Huntsville Hospital for further tests and observation. After x-rays, cat scans, and an ultrasound (oh no, was I pregnant?!), i was released after a few days with no drugs, a clean bill of health, and a diagnosis of " colitis of the colon".

Translation: "we didn't see anything obvious, we really don't know what the hell is wrong with you, it must be some kind of general inflammation. Good luck!"

I went home, bowels had moved while in the hospital, and I thought that I was back in good shape - for about a little over a week and everything was hurting again. That's when my general doctor sent me to a GI specialist (gastroenterologist, I was to learn. The first time he said I was seeing a GI specialist, I was thinking, "how in the heck is an army recruiter going to help?").

He recommended me to Dr. Dino Ferrante. How cool of a name is that?!

Doing some research on Dr. Ferrante, one thing I learned was that he moved to Alabama from somewhere up north to play hockey for the UAH Chargers, who had a very good team. I think I would have gotten the hint he was a hockey guy when he wore a goalie mask instead of a surgeon's mask. Anyway, after hearing about what was happening with me, he threw out the first "C" word that struck me with terror - "COLONOSCOPY!"

Introduction

"The C Word".  "The Big C".  All nicknames for that word that strikes fear into the hearts of men and women everywhere, COOKING!  Ok, just kidding.  It's CANCER!  I say it just like that, in big capital letters, with this evil sounding laugh...CANCER!  Of course, you knew what word I was referring to, after all its in the name of the blog.  But, the lighter side?  Now, you must think that I am being awfully insensitive or am guilty of being the other C word - CRAZY!

The truth is, I have recently come through surgery where they diagnosed me as having the double C - Colon Cancer (By the way, what kind of cancer did the American Indians get in the days of the first settlers?  COLONY CANCER!).  While the operation was a success (More details to come in a later post), the blockage was so large that I will have to have CHEMO treatments (Can the cure be worse than the disease?  In the case of chemotherapy, it bears considering!).  That starts in a few weeks time from now.  However, I decided to start this blog to journal my journey with the disease.  And, being a former stand-up comedian, I write a lot of things in a bit more whimsical way.  After all, with a diagnosis of cancer, you can choose to get down and depressed (and I do not blame anyone for that!), or you can choose to face things as they come with a positive, light-hearted attitude.  This is the approach I am trying to take here, and hopefully I can help someone else who is down about their suffering realize that even with cancer, you can still smile.